Being home for the last several weeks, I have had in my mind what the perfect homemaker is - and have measured myself by that standard. I have cleaned my home from top to bottom, made sure that meals were hot and ready for little boys coming home from soccer practice and for the man I love so much who had worked hard all day long. This was all fine and good until the baby came - and then keeping up with my own expectations of myself brought me to constant defeat at the end of every day. Defeat over things that often took a backseat when I was at work anyway - did I dust the shutters, vacuum the stairs, organize the play room? Were the bathrooms clean and the floors mopped? It didn't matter that the house was generally picked up and cleaned - I wanted a deep clean, not a speck or spot to be found.. and stopping to nurse my precious babe only caused my anxiety to creep as I made more to-do lists on my iPhone. I hit a wall yesterday and called a friend, upset and feeling like a failure..
"You just had a baby!" she encouraged me. "You need to adapt to the third little one before trying to be June Cleaver on top of it all. Cut yourself some slack. Enjoy your time with your children and LET GO."
I am learning to let go, to trust God and to enjoy this season of my life on purpose. My default mode is very task oriented, I am not very good at simply relaxing and enjoying the chaos around me unless everything is in it's place.. and by then the sun is setting and all of my babies are getting ready for bed. Another day wasted, opportunities missed.
God, help me to see this life through your eyes - to truly enjoy my precious babies now before they're gone. To enjoy being with them and to fully immerse myself in my moments with them as their mom. Thank you that your grace is enough and that you've given me all that I need to make it through this day..
joyfully.
"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him." -Jim Elliot
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